‘being a shed, toys r us, aunt hiding’

giraffe in!

so they found me, and they said i was bani-shed. i didn’t even know what bani-shed meant until my memory reminded me i had once red a book about an olde giraffe with a really big white fan around his neck, and a moustache. i didn’t even know a giraffe could grow a moustache until this book. well anyway this book wasn’t very good because it would always talk in riddles, and sometimes the words would end with shed, like fini-shed, and bani-shed, and bamboo-shed. i don’t know why this book liked sheds so much.

anyway they found me hiding under my aunt, and i’m almost glad they did because my aunt kept moving away complaining that her leg itched but i think it is because she wouldn’t take her warmers off. i was also almost glad because i’m not as small as i used to be so getting under her wasn’t easy. but once they saw where i was they weren’t very nice to me, they said it’s time i became a giraffe and they sent me away never to return to my village and family again. they said they would explain in time but i was very sad. i still feel a bit sad.

i don’t know how long i’ve been walking away now but a funny thing keeps happening around this time of year. all types of animals keep coming up to me and asking me for presents. one wildebeest came up to me a couple of weeks ago and said ‘toys r us giraffe?’. i didn’t know what he was talking about. he then said ‘give me a present then!’. i said i didn’t have a present, and even if i didn’t i wouldn’t give it to a rude wildebeest. he then got his friend wildebeest and they shouted at me to make a present, so i made them a model of a wildebeest made out of dry branches i found on the sand. i thought it was really good but they said it was the worst present they had ever had. if i could i would make all wildebeest bani-shed.

will write again when i can…

giraffe out!

‘crisis, wildebeest and killer centipedes’

giraffe in!

we’ve had crisis this week. that letter which i talked about last time… well, they, whoever they are, sent another letter, so we think it must be talking about one of us. this time it said ‘his journey starts soon, or we will let the killer centipedes know where you all are’. we all wonder what it means, but my mum seemed especially upset by it, i don’t know why.

we always try to avoid centipedes. death by centipede is one of the most feared things in all land. it’s a frustrating death all round. the suspense is slow, the slow, almost unending crawl to the target is slow, and then the death is slow also. one of my uncles was nearly attacked by a legful of killer centipedes once, there were about four of them, and they snuck up on him when he was asleep. he was lucky because one of them stepped on a packet of crispy leaves right next to him which woke him up and also lucky he always keeps a mace by his bed so he still had time to splice them before they got to him. centipedes are how one of my baby sisters died so we have to be really careful. i really miss her.

what was most weird about the letter was that they sent a strange wildebeest to give it to us. he was so rude, he said that my ‘neck was for the chop’ and then he laughed, and then after that he said ‘which is good, because your neck is ugly’, and then he left. he did wildebeest no good at all by speaking that way to me. well i’d like to say that all wildebeest are lazy and they should all go to polite school.

giraffe out!