we’ve had crisis this week. that letter which i talked about last time… well, they, whoever they are, sent another letter, so we think it must be talking about one of us. this time it said ‘his journey starts soon, or we will let the killer centipedes know where you all are’. we all wonder what it means, but my mum seemed especially upset by it, i don’t know why.
we always try to avoid centipedes. death by centipede is one of the most feared things in all land. it’s a frustrating death all round. the suspense is slow, the slow, almost unending crawl to the target is slow, and then the death is slow also. one of my uncles was nearly attacked by a legful of killer centipedes once, there were about four of them, and they snuck up on him when he was asleep. he was lucky because one of them stepped on a packet of crispy leaves right next to him which woke him up and also lucky he always keeps a mace by his bed so he still had time to splice them before they got to him. centipedes are how one of my baby sisters died so we have to be really careful. i really miss her.
what was most weird about the letter was that they sent a strange wildebeest to give it to us. he was so rude, he said that my ‘neck was for the chop’ and then he laughed, and then after that he said ‘which is good, because your neck is ugly’, and then he left. he did wildebeest no good at all by speaking that way to me. well i’d like to say that all wildebeest are lazy and they should all go to polite school.