‘leg counting, tulips, and the world of socks’

giraffe in!

so, we play this game when we’re bored. leg counting, you know, for fun. any amount of giraffes can take part, though if there’s too many playing then we find there’s no giraffes actually left to count the legs of.

what we do, is stand aside, and watch giraffes walk by. and as those giraffes go by, we count the legs of those giraffes, you know, like one, two, three, four. but, if a giraffe has less than four legs, then we take that giraffe to hospital. it’s a simple game, but fun.

anyway, i mention it because one day we were playing it, and then suddenly a tree dropped from the sky. usually this wouldn’t be anything but we noticed a kind of flower on it with a note attached, which we gave to J-SON (son of j) to read, you see i can write but can’t read, J-SON is the only one of us who can read, but he can’t write like me. anyway, the note read ‘we are coming. his time is now.’ or something like that. anyway, i ate the flower, it wasn’t the best i’ve ever had.

which reminds my memory, my sister saw a paper book once, it was called ‘the making of church flowers’ or something like that. she said she saw this flower called a tulip and she even showed me some pictures of them she’d torn out with her teeth, there were loads of tulips there: strawberry ones, lemon ones, milk ones. she says she’s going to get a tulip one day and put it on display. i think she’s stupid if she’s going to keep them and put them on a kind of show, they should only be for eating.

giraffe out!



giraffe in!

it’s been a while, i know. but you know how it goes, you’ve got your lathery tongue wrapped around a commiphora leaf trying to carefully navigate the thorns, and then BAM! next thing you know, it’s next year…

but why have i chosen now to start writing again? good question, well it’s basically because i want to increase people’s awareness of the dangerous youth sport of ‘necking’…

now to those kids who know what i’m on about, please stop it, you could get hurt or paralysis (thus very hurt)! giraffes only have small stomachs, and you could end up with a burst one…or a burst bladder…or both…

for those of you who don’t know what i’m on about and are asking: what’s ‘necking’? well, ‘necking’ is a soon to be illegal pursuit popular with adolescent giraffes. now, these young folk will go, seemingly without reason, to the local park (if they’re not already in one) and consume their own neck’s capacity in lager. they think this is fun and cool because those who’ve done it can be found weeing constantly for up to 10 minutes. the kids call it ‘streaming’.

but it really isn’t cool. i remember this one time when SITTING SHORT NECK’s youngest son, JEROME, had clearly just ‘necked’…he was stumbling all over the shop, streaming everywhere… but here’s the lesson crux, he’s had incontinence problems ever since… and now whenever i see him i call him ‘S*ITTING SHORT NECK’, which would clearly be a funny pun if his plight involved excrement, but it doesn’t…

failure is only ever a technicality away…

giraffe OUT!