giraffe in!

it’s been a while, i know. but you know how it goes, you’ve got your lathery tongue wrapped around a commiphora leaf trying to carefully navigate the thorns, and then BAM! next thing you know, it’s next year…

but why have i chosen now to start writing again? good question, well it’s basically because i want to increase people’s awareness of the dangerous youth sport of ‘necking’…

now to those kids who know what i’m on about, please stop it, you could get hurt or paralysis (thus very hurt)! giraffes only have small stomachs, and you could end up with a burst one…or a burst bladder…or both…

for those of you who don’t know what i’m on about and are asking: what’s ‘necking’? well, ‘necking’ is a soon to be illegal pursuit popular with adolescent giraffes. now, these young folk will go, seemingly without reason, to the local park (if they’re not already in one) and consume their own neck’s capacity in lager. they think this is fun and cool because those who’ve done it can be found weeing constantly for up to 10 minutes. the kids call it ‘streaming’.

but it really isn’t cool. i remember this one time when SITTING SHORT NECK’s youngest son, JEROME, had clearly just ‘necked’…he was stumbling all over the shop, streaming everywhere… but here’s the lesson crux, he’s had incontinence problems ever since… and now whenever i see him i call him ‘S*ITTING SHORT NECK’, which would clearly be a funny pun if his plight involved excrement, but it doesn’t…

failure is only ever a technicality away…

giraffe OUT!


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